January is a jerk

Or is February worse? Either way, most people will agree, January: get outta my grill. Unless you’re one of those people who gets really excited at even the *thought* of snow. Then more power to you; if you live where I live you’re getting a ton of your favorite thing today. Snow can be a good time… especially when you don’t have to drive anywhere. But when two snowflakes completely shut down your entire city… even though they should be prepared for this sort of thing… because it snows every freaking winter and what the eff, well yeah snow can get a little lame. January is the bringer of snow and by proxy is lame. Somebody give me an honorary degree in awesome because I can put stuff like that together in such a coherent and down to earth sort of way.

Did I mention that January brings out the bitch in me? Also, it makes my hair frizzy and I hate that! Like, seriously! I think I’m actually calling this month out for making me a frizzy haired beeeyotch.

In other news, did I tell you that I got new glasses? Most of you have seen me wearing them and probably didn’t say anything because you’re wangsters. Or maybe you felt obligated to say something nice about them because I threatened to cut you. Either way, here’s a weird picture of me holding them.

Well the other day I actually went crazy, absolutely lost my mind and got contacts.

This ridiculous picture was made possible through contacts. Otherwise I can’t take a picture, good, crazy, or any really without my glasses on. I will completely disintegrate. Okay, that’s not true. There was a picture taken of me once with them off… it was my school picture from 10th grade and it was terrifying. My mom usually gave people my school picture, even when they were stupid looking. I’ve taken some incredibly horrible school pictures. However the one in 10th grade was so heinous that even she agreed and let me hide them somewhere far away from human consumption. The next day most of her hair had turned gray. Okay, that last part was a lie but they were pretty awful.

So yeah, contacts for convenience and so far they are the opposite of that and I’m thinking… maybe I don’t want them so much. Especially since they cost about a billion dollars to order a six month supply. I don’t want them for hottie purposes. Without my glasses on all I can focus on is how fat my face looks. I just want to be able to buy terrible sunglasses and wear them. Or go to a water park and not have to wait until they close because I lost my glasses and they got wedged underneath a stone somehow on one of the slides and the guards can’t dive for them until everyone has left… Wait, what?

2 thoughts on “January is a jerk

  1. So, you completely crack me up. Anyways, yeah, I hate contacts too. I get them for the hotness factor, but honestly most guys don’t seem to care. But I didn’t notice your new glasses, I’m terrible, I know.

  2. I just got contacts before Christmas (also for convenience). Let me just say, I DO NOT like putting things in my eyes (my mom had to bribe me with stickers when I was little to even come near me with eye drops). I forced myself for the first two weeks and it’s gotten a LOT better in a short amount of time and is totally worth it. Good luck!

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